New York

New Yorkers are generally regarded as rude. I would say that for the most part, it’s true. We push each other around walking on the profane streets because we’re always running late for something or just wanting to rush to be the first in line. That’s the “other” fast lane, not necessarily living dangerously, but always in some damn hurry. Plus we’re pissed that we pay high rents and high prices for absolutely everything.7205

It’s an anomaly to live here. You can be 35 years old and not have a drivers license because driving here is not ideal (not to mention stupid because everyone who gets behind the wheel is in a hurry and is a terrorist in training) because of the availability of public transportation. Speaking of which, a New Yorker could take the train home and know exactly where on the platform doors will open so that the New Yorker will be left in right in front of the exit stairway, as if it’s so damn important. The same New Yorker may fall asleep on the train but will amazingly never miss his/her stop. He/she will also ride in a subway car with no air conditioning because there’s seats available. Being social on a subway train is overrated. We also understand that it is not humanly possible to hear the P.A. announcement on the subway.

When a New Yorker goes away and comes back, he/she wants a “real” pizza, a “real” bagel, and real Chinese food. In fact, the major food groups when ordering food are Chinese, Italian, Mexican and Indian. I also know the differences between all of the “Ray’s Pizzas.”

 Ordering pizza in another city is pointless as well. I could also be living in another city for 10 years, but people will know where I’m from as soon as I open my mouth. Case in point: listen to a New Yorker say the words “dog,” coffee,” honest,” and “often.” I also know what a “regular” coffee is.

I don’t even notice that the woman walking down the street is having a conversation with herself. Speaking of streets, what’s “north” and “south?” I know only of “uptown” or “downtown.” For your information, it’s “crosstown,” not “east” or “west.”

When someone on the street or subway bumps into me, I automatically check for my wallet.  And I hate crowds, but I’m almost always in one.

I know what a bodega is. And the bodega guy always gives me a straw with whatever beverage I buy, even if it’s a beer.

I’m not interested in going to Times Square on New Year’s Eve.

Hell no!

Hell no!

I also have that inner clock that tells me when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect but it somehow never stops me from getting a ticket. In fact, we all call summonses, “tickets.”

It’s not Manhattan, it’s “the city.”

"The City"

"The City"

You’re “only” paying $200 a month to park your car? Where do I sign up?

I cross the street anywhere but on the corners and I yell at cars for not respecting my right to do it. When I’m driving, I yell at people for not crossing at the crosswalk and for almost hitting them.

Hmmm, notice that “New Yorker” slowly evolved into “I.”

2 Responses to “New York”

  1. LOL. “Real” Bagels. You forgot those Philly cheese stake sandwiches things. i ordered one here at Subway, and it was hella good. I wonder what the real thing tastes like over there. New York is it’s own world. I’ve only seen New York in those old Superman movies. Someday we’ll go there for a visit.


  2. Lol, I knew that you would get a kick out of the bagel thing. For the Philly cheesesteak, you’ve got to go to Philly and make sure to get it in a paper bag. When you see that the bag is greasy, then you know that the sandwich is hella good. You guys have the fish tacos in the westside. Fish tacos and Dos Equis amber rule…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: